They Said it Better...

From Lisa Anderson over at the Boundless Line blog (http://www.boundlessline.org/):

"If I lose everything except Jesus, will He still be enough? I hope so. I want to live like that."

I too hope so, and I too want to be able to live like that.

"There, but for the grace of God, go I."
-- John Bradford

Win is Discouraged

A fool ruins his life
Yet his heart rages against the Lord.

I understand that my foolish decisions will yield undesirable outcomes, and I have only myself to blame for this. But what of those times when I am trying my best to do the right thing, to live according to the way You’ve decreed I should, and the outcomes are still less than desirable? When bad decisions beget bad results and good decisions beget only slightly-less-bad results, what is the motivation to even try to do the right thing? You’ve promised a life more abundant; You’ve also promised a life of trouble. I sincerely hope that You don’t mean that You’re promising a life of more abundant trouble. Often times it feels this way.

I accept that there are times I knowingly choose to do wrong, and I accept the punishment that follows so quickly at its heels. But You must also accept that there are times that I knowingly choose to do right because I want to do what pleases You, but those times seem to yield little reward. Instead things seem to continue to fall apart around me.

This is discouraging.

Still Trying

Instead of asking why You are making me go through painful experiences, I need to start asking what You're trying to teach me through those experiences. The same probably applies to situations where I'm just generally confused by what You're doing, by the apparent lack of direction in my life. I still want to ask why I have to go through those frustratingly confusing times, but I know that You don't owe me any answers.

So... what are You trying to teach me right now...?

Maybe I'm just not asking the right questions. You tell me that I do not have because I do not ask -- I assume that You already know what I want, what I need, so I don't need to ask for those things. Yet I suppose there's no point in getting frustrated when things don't work like I want them to when I haven't even asked You to work those things out. Now I realize that asking You doesn't necessarily mean that those things will work out the way I want, but maybe the point of doing so isn't really to ask for whatever that thing is (because I'm probably correct in assuming You already know -- You've already said that Your Spirit knows what I need before I ask for it). After all, You knew the blind man wanted to see (wasn't it pretty obvious?), but You still asked him what he wanted You to do. You also asked another blind man if he believed that You could heal him. Maybe the point in having me ask You for things You already know I need, things You already know to be the deepest desires of my heart, is really You asking me, "Do you believe that I can do this for You? Do you believe it enough to ask me to do it for you? Ask Me, so that I can show you how faithful I am."

Still, asking You doesn't necessarily mean that You will give what I ask for, so that can't be the only reason You want me to ask. Besides, You also said that a small seed of faith is all it takes to move the earth, so it's not even about whether or not I believe in Your goodness enough to ask. Maybe it's just that the simple act of asking puts me in a mindset that recognizes that You will answer in Your wisdom, and that there will be a reason for the way You answer. Perhaps the real reason for asking is to open my heart to what You're trying to teach me in that answer, because You're very likely trying to teach me something regardless of how You answer my requests. Maybe at the very least, when I ask, I am acknowledging Your sovereignty over my desires above all else, and that Your ultimate answer will come out of Your sovereign wisdom and grace.

I suppose I can't know until I ask.

...

Sigh.

Win is Confused

...which happens rather more often than I'd like...

In theory I know that faith involves a certain level of uncertainty. After all, if I am certain of the next steps and the results of those next steps, then I don't really need to have faith because I already know what is going to happen when I take those next steps. But the uncertainty also makes me lose hope. I know that You don't owe me any answers, but sometimes I'd really like to know why You make me do some things and where You're going with those things. It's hard to take the next step when I don't feel like You're ever going to be happy with any step I take, with any decision I make. Hence the uncertainty. If I can at least know that there's a point to all this, maybe it will be easier to endure. But I am uncertain of even that.

Quietness and trust are supposed to be my strength, but I am rather weak.

Win Doesn't Get It

I don't understand what You're doing or why You're doing it or where You're going with it, but I want to be able to follow You despite that.

Please believe me when I say that.

Win Can Be Rather Foolish

A fool shows his annoyance at once,
but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
Proverbs 12:16 NIV

I would do better to remember that.

...particularly when I'm driving...