Still Trying

Instead of asking why You are making me go through painful experiences, I need to start asking what You're trying to teach me through those experiences. The same probably applies to situations where I'm just generally confused by what You're doing, by the apparent lack of direction in my life. I still want to ask why I have to go through those frustratingly confusing times, but I know that You don't owe me any answers.

So... what are You trying to teach me right now...?

Maybe I'm just not asking the right questions. You tell me that I do not have because I do not ask -- I assume that You already know what I want, what I need, so I don't need to ask for those things. Yet I suppose there's no point in getting frustrated when things don't work like I want them to when I haven't even asked You to work those things out. Now I realize that asking You doesn't necessarily mean that those things will work out the way I want, but maybe the point of doing so isn't really to ask for whatever that thing is (because I'm probably correct in assuming You already know -- You've already said that Your Spirit knows what I need before I ask for it). After all, You knew the blind man wanted to see (wasn't it pretty obvious?), but You still asked him what he wanted You to do. You also asked another blind man if he believed that You could heal him. Maybe the point in having me ask You for things You already know I need, things You already know to be the deepest desires of my heart, is really You asking me, "Do you believe that I can do this for You? Do you believe it enough to ask me to do it for you? Ask Me, so that I can show you how faithful I am."

Still, asking You doesn't necessarily mean that You will give what I ask for, so that can't be the only reason You want me to ask. Besides, You also said that a small seed of faith is all it takes to move the earth, so it's not even about whether or not I believe in Your goodness enough to ask. Maybe it's just that the simple act of asking puts me in a mindset that recognizes that You will answer in Your wisdom, and that there will be a reason for the way You answer. Perhaps the real reason for asking is to open my heart to what You're trying to teach me in that answer, because You're very likely trying to teach me something regardless of how You answer my requests. Maybe at the very least, when I ask, I am acknowledging Your sovereignty over my desires above all else, and that Your ultimate answer will come out of Your sovereign wisdom and grace.

I suppose I can't know until I ask.