This post has been long in the making. In the past week I’ve started writing several times, stopped writing several times, changed subjects several times, somehow found my way back to the original subject again, tried writing again, and just didn’t feel any coherent thoughts move from my mind to my heart to my keyboard. Maybe You were trying to tell me that my motives for writing that post were wrong. Or maybe You are simply telling me that You’re still formulating that thought inside my mind and waiting for it to reach my heart, and that I shouldn’t be so hasty to write something before You’re finished telling me what it is. Maybe.
Point is, I felt like I should have at least posted something in the last week…
Yet as I now consider that desire to post something, I remember one of the big things that You were teaching me last week: Ephesians 4:29 tells me that I should refrain from unhealthy chatter, instead only speaking when my words are useful to build up and benefit those who hear – and now that I think about it, that was one of the original purposes of having this blog to begin with. Perhaps You stopped me from writing anything earlier because You knew that I had only intended to post unhealthy rants, writings not intended for Your glory, but for my own, because I just wanted to be heard. Well, the truth is, unless I have something beneficial to say, everyone would do better if I was not heard – I tried that kind of writing the last time I started a blog and it became a forum for me to anonymously voice thoughts without accountability (of which not all were bad, but there were a few posts that were bad enough). In fact, that blog was what I was originally going to write about – about why we keep secrets and why we’re unwilling to trust others – and maybe that post is still pending, but I’ll wait for You to move me in that direction.
Several months ago I came to the realization that my words (or lack thereof) had the potential to greatly bless or greatly hurt those around me. I confess that, since then, I’ve used my words more to vent my selfish frustrations to and about You and others, that I’ve had more curses than praises on the tip of my tongue. Please forgive me for mishandling the gift You gave me in order to praise You and to serve the people You’ve gifted my life with. John Piper once wrote that we are justified through faith in You – that is, I am made new and made holy because of Your sacrifice – and You sanctify us to make us into what we already are – that the process of becoming more like You, becoming holy, is simply me being what You already made me. I think I can go as far as to say that You created me, and thus my words, expressly for the purpose of becoming more like You, my words more like Yours.
With that in mind, please let my words be refreshing to those who hear, healthy for those who read. Please make my words kind, compassionate, and forgiving. Please help me to choose words that are humble, that are gentle, that are patient, that are loving – words that praise Your glorious grace and build others up in that same grace.
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